We had a petty fight because of the "research" (as he calls it) that I was doing. I stopped communicating with him for a while to cool my head. When I arrived at the Centris station, our text to each other was sent/received at the same time. I then asked him that we stop fighting cause it makes me sad.. even just for a year, just this year, while the Earth is still intact.

He texted back, "beh, the world will not end this year, ok? mwaah. magcecelebrate pa tyo ng maraming wedding anniversaries, remember?"

Right after reading his text, tears roll down my cheeks. I don't know if I'm happy because of what he said or if I'm sad knowing that it will all just be a pointless dream.

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My first special weekend for this year, second weekend (14-16) of January 2012. The night before, he was so considerate. He asked me which couple shirt I would like to wear for the Charity event that we'll be participating in. He was even patient in helping me pick one.

On the day of the event (Saturday), I met some of his officemates and he introduced me as his gf. The entire time that we were there, he never stopped checking if I was ok. He was also very sweet to me  (except when these two girls are facing us). He held my hand, kiss me on the cheeks and lips, and even asked his officemate to take a picture of us. I had a chat with his boss and his boss' wife. I was very meek that time, I don't want to do anything that would embarrass him.

When it was time to separate ways, he did not even attempt to ask me if I want to go out with his friends. He remembered that its our weekend after all. We bought movie tix in Trinoma before heading to Parvati, where we had sweets (frozen brazo de mercedes) and coffee. We talked. He was tired though, and a bit grumpy.

We had a great time watching the movie, our head close together and my hand holding his. We both love Sherlock Holmes!

We headed home, with me  being so thankful for that long day. We talked, cuddled, watched our weekly tv series.. I thought it was a great way to spend Saturday with him.

Then came Sunday, when we slept until we got hungry and got up. We watched tv and then more tv series on his laptop. We went to Trinoma afterwards to attend a baby shower and have his eyeglasses refitted. Oh! how I love buying gift and looking at furniture with him. It was a lovely and exciting time for me.

We then started the photo shoot that we planned, right when we got in to his room. It was soooo much fun! I enjoyed it.

The following day, I went to a job interview (late cause of him) and got a job offer. I asked him for lunch and he accommodated me. We talked a lot. I am always happy when I am with him. I then went to UP to pick up his books and DVDs from his kabit. I was so tired that I decided to stay in his room and read some books. I loved waiting for him to come home. 

*** he congratulated me using twitter.
*** he replied to my twit this day and say, I love you (with my name!). So kilig! ahihihi
*** still hoping that he will love me enough to make a vow and ensure me that he will be faithful and open to me.

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This week has been so exhausting, with all the crying and the revelations. It will be difficult again for me to stop myself from thinking about the "kabit". I've already left that life years ago, then here I am again trying to overcome the same hurdle in my life. I can't understand why someone who's already in love with someone can love another. Is it really love he's feeling? I thought when you love someone, you take care of the person, you protect her from the pain.

Am I really not thinking things through? I am. But when I felt scared last Wednesday, my heart beating fast and my hands cold, I just needed to see him and hug him. Things are said. I hope that things will change for the better and the cheating stops here.

There were changes this week, good ones, which I pray will continue. He now asks me questions on things that I do and my where about. He cleaned his online accounts (I super appreciate that he has given time to do this). He tells me things that he's doing and he answers my question (which I pray to be all true ^_^). He offered to help me with some money problems and offered to come over to help me with my things (so sweet). So cute that he tried to look for a song for us and asked me if I will invite him to the event that I am going to. He also invited me in their company's Charity thing.

I pray that if he's really the one for me, that he learns to protect me from all this pain.. not by hiding things from me but by learning to stop himself from flirting and cheating.

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I know.. you thought it was the last but here I am again posting how giddy I was. I have a rocky roller coaster ride of a relationship. There are highs and lows. There are moment of pure joy and sadness. I cried the whole day yesterday and got angry. I talked to a couple of friends.. and his mom, who gave me hope. There's still hope!

We talked again about what has to be done. I am hopeful that things will change (keeping my fingers crossed).

I was so "kilig" (giddy) when he asked me if we should join his friends in a swimming. So sweet! He said "we". He also said that he will bring me to a charity thingie that their company will do this weekend. He will ask if he could bring a guest. Aww.. so kilig me. Ang babaw talaga ng kaligayahan ko.

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I cherished every moment with him this weekend cause it might be our last weekend together. I was happy to have met 2 of his friends and he actually didn't forget to introduce me as his gf.

But after 8 years, he's still unsure about creating a future with me.. he was able to make a plan for his future with his mistress. wow! Really enjoyed reading that!

So, what am I really in his life? I don't know. The girl he uses to catch him every time that someone else leaves him. Pathetic! I am so pathetic that he cheated me with the girl that he already introduced me to. Yes, I am that small to him. I am nothing! NOTHING!

I want a bf who will consider me as his partner in life.. not someone whom he can hide things from cause he doesn't want to get caught. I badly need a bf who can actually be proud of me. How could I marry a guy who thinks of me as NOTHING? Something to be stepped on cause I'm always there for him. I can't have a kid with a liar and a cheater.. I don't want my kids to be like that. I am unhappy. I am empty. After 8 years, I can say that he never truly loved me. He just love himself. I just hope that the guy I met at College (that sweet, protective, caring and loving guy) is still alive under those coats of lies. I miss him. I miss the old us.

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