I always thought that a death in the family will make me weak, vulnerable and sad. I was wrong.. or maybe its because he’s not even part of my family. I found out last week that my biological father died. Yes, my biological father.. it’s not that I have a second father – I just wanted to be clear that he was my biological father and nothing more.

His body was claimed by my mom when it came back in the Philippines but his brothers and sisters took it to Pampanga. My family went there today while I stayed home doing nothing. I do NOT want to pay my respect to someone who abandoned my family for another. Abandonment isn’t worth forgiving specially when I’ve seen first hand how it broke my mom’s heart.. How it made her cry at night.. How it used to make me cry.. Have I forgiven him? I have asked myself that question before. Maybe I do, maybe I don't.

I remember when my biological father visited the Philippines when I was in HS and didn’t even visit us. My mom asked help from Women’s Organization and put my biological father’s passport on hold. He was forced to stay with us. My mom was so happy but I think she was so stupid. After a week, he told mom that he’s going to renew his passport but didn’t come back. Stupid. Over share.

Now, he’s dead. Still nothing good has come to it.

Death